Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
