Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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