In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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