I'm gonna have a badass scar
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
