i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
