It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Holy sore nipples Batman
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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