dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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