I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
