Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
