So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
