and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize