Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
