That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
