I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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