so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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