So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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