Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize