i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
