i wish there were pregnant emoticons
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
