you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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