Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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