True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
