Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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