Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
