erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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