I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
