i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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