4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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