In the future we'll all be gay
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
