What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
