Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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