the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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