i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize