Got a toothbrush?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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