SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
