she looked like the bat from fern gully.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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