I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize