Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
