i think my mom watched the whole time
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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