yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
