She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
