Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
