My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize