Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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