mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
