I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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