So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize