I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
