Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
