Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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