Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
