Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
