I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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