I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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