Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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