That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
