We're facebook friends in real life
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
