had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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