friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize