Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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