well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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