worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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