He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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