Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
