yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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