I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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