It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have aggressive nipples.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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