I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
