bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just google imaged poop.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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