The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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