There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
