i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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