idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Randomize
