im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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