He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
