Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
