hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
