You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
