ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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